It's 1:00 AM right now and I am once again writing down my thoughts for the internet at large because I can't keep them in any more and my journal is offering me jack-squat in the relief department.
I often have existential crises. I will lie awake or stare into space or drop what I'm holding and become obsessed with the very nature (and purpose) of my own existence. It begins with a simple thought: Why the fuck am I here?
So, like a good scholar, I decided to get on to the good ol' inter-webs and try to decipher exactly what I feel so hopeless about and what I can do about it.
In my search for something to pass the time before my head smacks into my keyboard, this is what I found:
Wikipedia
Upon perusing the article, I see much that I already know:
"An existential crisis is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value. This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism."The article then goes on to state (in the description) that an existential crisis may be misdiagnosed or co-morbid with a number of psychological and neurological disorders... but there was a citation needed so fuck that. I already know I am depressed.
Wiki How
Wiki How articles are always fun. There is often a whole lot of information on this website that I laugh at. Really, it's ball-bouncingly funny. This time, however, I found some genuinely interesting things that I decided to pursue for my own interest's sake.
There was this Norwegian dude (see Philosopher) called Peter Wessel Zapffe (He was 91 when he died. I would be pissed off if I got that close to 100) who said that human self-conscious is actively engaged in the "repression of its damaging surplus of consciousness."
What this basically means is that we are fighting to not think about the "WHY" of it all. Zapffe suggests the following options to helping us silly humans get through this sort of shit.
1. Isolation
This is the good old "leave it in the back of the fridge until you forget about it" method of dealing with our own existence. The only problem is that no matter how long you deny it, the smell of last year's mac and cheese is eventually going to get to you.
2. Anchoring
The basis of this method of ensuring you get some sleep one day is to grab on to the State, morality, fate, the laws of life, the people, the future – even God – and never, ever let go. Get out that old Bible and dig your nose in deep. Really inhale that book mould.
Getting in touch with this stuff (be you a Bible-basher, a Satanist or a liberal) can help you stay focused and not allow yourself to give your existence a single thought. As Zapffe says, "build walls around the liquid fray of consciousness."
3. Distraction
Now would be a good time to buy that VPN and finally do some internet "research". You know what I'm talking about.
4. Sublimation
Now, not only am I thinking to myself; finally, a bit of diversity to Zapffe's One-Step system but this is also a method I advocate and practice as often as I can. Get all Airbender-esque with that negative thought and use it to power that guitar-solo you've been wanting to play, or that painting you've never finshed... follow the theories that made Thales of Miletus, Empedocles, Simon Stevinus, Christian Huygens and, of course, Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz household names; conservation of all that darn energy!
That sums up the intelligent part of the article. I shall now quote, in order, the "other methods" this article suggests (with my own suggestions for the author):
1. Understand what caused the problem.
Well, shit, Sherlock. What would we do without you?
2. Try to see life and your place in it as it really is.
Or, "Why giving up LSD led me to suicide."
3. Acknowledge that this is a common problem.
Can't be. I only found 17 forum threads on the subject.
4. Consider how well orchestrated life seems to be.
Tell me more about the rose tint; does it come in different shades?
5. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Tried it. Didn't help. That's why I'm reading your stupid article.
6. Don't be afraid to make up your own rules.
"But officer, I am suffering from an existential crisis!"
7. Try to voice what your problem is.
Or, "How therapy bankrupted me."
8. Imagine several different people you like or respect giving you advice.
I so wish I was joking about this one...
9. Imagine giving advice to someone else in your situation.
"So you're saying that the best way to deal with my son's wetting the bed was for me to stay a virgin just like you? Hmm. Interesting."
10. Problem solve.
See thought 1.
11.Take what you've learned.
See thought 10.
12. Aim to create peace and joy.
No, you fucking aim to create peace and joy, mate.
13. Clean whatever room you're in.
An existential crisis! Quick, to the broom cupboard!
14. Remember that tomorrow is a new day.
See thought 11.
15. Question yourself.
This is how I got into this mess the first place, you stupid, mother–
BuzzFeed
You know that indescribable feeling of nope that passes through you when there's a big spider in the bath?
Quora
Now, there was a lovely long article answering the question about losing all hope that I will link here but I cannot for the life of me remember what I wanted to comment about it because I got distracted in the comment section:
"Go out and have an Ice-cream."
Now, you can't argue with logic like that, can you? (For the first time this morning, I am not being sarcastic.)
I'd love to tell you that it is now 5:30 AM and I am watching a beautiful sun rise over the sleepy African bushveld... but I'm not and it's not.
It's 2:05:47 AM (well, not anymore) and I am no less tired, no less of an insomniac and no less closer to crushing two pan-dimensional hyper-beings with a teapot for building earth as some stupid philosphical class project . I'm merely going to do now what I do every time this happens and watch cute cat videos on the internet until I drown in my own drool.
After all, what else is the internet for?
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